I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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