Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
