its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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