who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
