I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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