you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
