There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
