also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
