No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
