I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
