Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
