I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
