Just mADE A PArabola og urine
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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