whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My penis needs a shock collar
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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