i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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