should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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