get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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