I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
