Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
