It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
