I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we're making bets on your personal life
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
