Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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