the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
