her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
