The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
