you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
