At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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