his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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