I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
