It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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