He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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