You just made me feel so damn special
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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