you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
