Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
