I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize