oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize