You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
