hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
