why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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