i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
