Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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