Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
