i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
