Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize