Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
