why didn't you poke me back
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
