apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he's gonorrhea incarnate
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
