so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize