I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
