I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
