Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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