Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
