i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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