are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
