Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
