the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
