Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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