And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
