Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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