My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
