You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
false alarm. still invincible.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize