Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
