After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize