She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
