u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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