it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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