for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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