When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
