It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
