you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
