You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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