hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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