Sry I called you an 8
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
