I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
