im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
