I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
