I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
