Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We have so much sex to catch up on
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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