Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
