Ambien. No doubt about it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
