i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
