everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
