Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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