I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
