i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize