so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
