Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
