i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
