youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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