I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Boobs are out for the taking
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize