In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
